Guess Who's Back? Back Again. Sarah's Back. Tell Your Friends.

I'm BACK and WOW have things changed. I cannot bring myself to read what I have previously written as because it kind of makes me cringe. In almost 4 years out of the blog game I cannot say that my writing and thought transition has necessarily gotten better but I definitely have more to talk about. OH! Did I tell you? I'm not a twenty-something anymore---> I'm 30!! Yikes. I don't know/care right now how to change that description so I'm just putting it out there. I've had some time away from work recently and the entire time I have yearned to pull this little blog back out and dust it off. I've had 6 weeks to sit down and type but I managed to wait until the LAST day before returning to work to actually sit down and type. Honestly though-- this blog is not for you, its for me. It's my "something to do" and a way to organize my crazy scattered thoughts and unload my brain a little bit. If you're here and reading this though, welcome. I hope my experiences and thoughts become a positive influence on your life and you'd be willing to share YOUR experiences with ME but also please refrain from judging me too harshly :) Since my last post I have done some stuff. That stomach flu I talked whined about? Oh that was just the beginning phase of my pregnancy to my lovely little 3 year old daughter Falynn (pronounce like Jimmy Fallon). Pregnancy was awful but that's for another time. Then I got married...while pregnant. I really am a classy broad and my husband is lucky to have me ;) Next, we had the baby (Falynn) and bought a house. We always told ourselves we would NEVER buy a house that we had to share a wall with someone so naturally, we bought a townhouse. In fairness, the area in which we live has a stupid expensive housing market and even though we stepped outside the city we still got the best bang for our buck with our cute little townhouse than we would have going with a stand alone single family home. We decided this would be our starter home and we'd be OUT within 5 years TOPS. Trust me when I tell you this will all come to play in future posts. I promise.  Next on the agenda--downsizing our 2 SUVs because a family of 3 does NOT need 2 gas guzzling SUVs. Especially while in the amount of debt we have accumulated from our student loans, credit cards, car payments, insurance, and a new mortgage. Soooo about a month and half after we moved into our new home we went to look at cars to downsize our biggest car payment. We bought a cute fuel efficient 2015 Chevy Malibu with 0% interest. Small car payment that I had hoped for? Not so much. Less money than our big GMC Terrain car payment? Absolutely. Plus we would save HUNDREDS on gas using that as our commuting car.  While picking out the Malibu I started to feel ill. Like I need to not puke on my shoes every 5 minutes ill. So as we drove our brand new ride off the lot we stopped at Walgreens for a pregnancy test. Which was wildly positive and 9(ish) months later, after a nausea filled pregnancy, our son Grey was born. Falynn was only 16 months old at the time. Shake your head at this nonsense. Go ahead, I know I would. We know we are INSANE. Once Grey came along and I was breastfeeding AND pumping I started feeling very different than my old self. I wouldn't say I was sad or anything but my moods were definitely more of a rollercoaster. I felt AWFUL about my body. I was still REALLY overweight, my boobs were gross, I'm lethargic, my hair was falling out like crazy... I was completely uncomfortable and didn't want to be seen anywhere in public....like EVER.  My mind was constantly racing until I was so tired I would pass out. And I was unbelievably exhausted, which I know isn't rare for a mom of 2 let alone 2 under the age of 2. I was MISERABLE. I was crazy in love with my 2 little ones and feeling SOO blessed beyond words to be their mother but couldn't shake how terrible I was feeling on the inside both mentally and physically. I started journaling to get some of my thoughts on paper and out of my head and while I still do that I have missed typing it on the big screen. My goal with this blog now (that I'm a wife and mom and not some silly single girl who thinks having a flu vs head cold is heavy hitting stuff) is to document my journey of healing. I'm doing things to FEEL better and BE better both mentally and physically while soaking up all the time I can with my children. These will be MY thoughts and experiences on the things I'm trying and maybe it will help you to? So I think this is where I leave you for day 1 of the return to the blogosphere. I have a lot more to talk about in the days to come but I should go organize where I'm going on the "Green Your Own Grass" lecture that I'm about to throw down ;) XO,